Put up or shut up time, old man.

This is Bishop, in my first Slacker Mafia post. Now, Mattricks and Marty have weighed in (Newman was busy singing) but maybe it's time I weigh in.

Ed Havens. Ed Havens backs out more than a guy with a one-car garage. He pulls out quicker than Mattricks when he's told, "sure, you can do that on my face." He runs away faster than Marty in a town without cigarettes. He disappears faster than me in during a magic show where the magician makes the most awesome thing in the room disappear. Ladies and gentlemen, Ed Havens is a writer-pussy.

Put up or shut up time, you loud-mouth geriactric. It's time to see what you're made of. And I hope it's good. I hope it blows my mind. Because since 2004, all I've heard from you is "You're not as good as [guy who wasn't good enough to keep Producer's Chair or Film Mogul running, and who has no real life deal]." No, we're better. We've got M & M. They're barely legal to drink and they are better than you.

I remember the way you and Cassy would talk ... "Oh, still playing a game, Bishy?" Yup, I did, and I kept my writing skills sharp. I honed my craft, and still hone my craft, on one of the greatest free gifts for writers that's out there. And what did you do? You sniped at HTG. You got snooty, got bored, came back, wrote "Afterlife," "Hot Coco," and "The Frozen Heart" and you showed you'd lost whatever writing gifts you'd ever had. While you were out being psuedo-superior, the Slacker Mafia was becoming incredible.

And yet, you still keep talking. The guy who lied about being the kid in the park for a film credit keeps teasing us with releases he's afraid to go through with, but it's just that. Teasing. He knows how it feels when a guy who knows writing like the back of his hand looks over his work and finds it shitty. He's afraid of doing it again.

I've asked to preview "Salvage." Ed Havens will probably not let me check it out. He should. Ed, is it really that satisfying to get a "good for you!" from your wife, Trig Havens, or the random friends you get to show up to pat you on the back and then disappear? Does that "jazz" you, as a guy who's only slightly older than you named Bill O'Reilly might say?

You want to be awesome, grandpa? Win me over. Win us over. I dare you. Get past adolescence and become a man.

-- Bish